You can't handle the funny

Eric and I are big risk-takers. We took several big risks this past weekend, chief among them: going to a BYOBooze/BYOFood $12 stand-up comedy showcase. We were hoping (against the odds) that it was not also BYOFunny.

We found the building but then hit an apparent dead end in the information- and sign-less lobby. As we were standing there looking confused, a woman came in, pressed the elevator UP button and then turned to us and said the comedy show was on the 5th floor, which was very helpful and compelled me to continue talking to her all the way up in the remarkably slow elevator.

"So you've seen this show before?" I ask. I'm so friendly.

"Yeah, my husband is one of the comics," she responds with a shy smile.

"That's neat!" I offer. "Is he any good?"

She kind of shrugs.

The comic who turned out to be her husband was one of those people who appears to have been put together from spare parts of other people. His face seemed inaccurately placed on his head and he had these freakishly long skinny fingers that could get a stemless maraschino cherry out of the bottom of a tall drink without even wetting the second knuckle.

He was awful. The whole show was awful. Horrendous. It made me want to weep for humanity. Let me put it in perspective: the absolute highlight of the show was a small squat black woman wearing a mini-backpack shouting the Jack Nicholson "You can't handle the truth" speech from A Few Good Men, but adapted for comics instead of soldiers. I'm dead serious.

After the show, they had a special offer where you get a free ticket to a future show if you tell a joke on camera. Since we had enjoyed the show so much Eric and I eagerly lined up to tell jokes and get free tickets.

Eric went first: "What's the best part about sex with 29 year olds?"
Pause.
"There's 20 of them."

"Whoa, you are one creepy dude," the host of the show, who was video-taping, concluded.

I followed: "Did you hear about the new pirate movie that's coming out? It's rated Arrrrgh!"

The host comic wearily handed us free tickets.

After that we went to a lesbian bar because the live band sounded pretty good.