A three hour tour

I got to go on a scenic cruise on Lake Washington last night as part of a conference that I am here in Redmond to attend.

All in all it was quite lovely. Setting sun, glimmering water, tree-lined shore. Seems like it would be an awfully nice place to live, and in fact the boat captain pointed out Bill Gates' house as we passed (there was a 'bouncy-castle' space shuttle inflated in the yard but I missed the explanation for why) and a few other Microsoft VIP's homes.

One thing that I re-discovered is that food on boats is universally and without exception horrible. Last summer on an otherwise really fun Hornblower dinner cruise in San Francisco I had a memorably bad meal that was, in all seriousness, completely uneatable. The pasta may literally have been made of Play-Doh, but not regular Play-Doh, some off-brand kind made in China which is extra toxic.

This boat food was about as good as food served to large quantities of people on a boat can be, at least in my experience. Nonetheless, it is still the kind of food where the only way to feel satisfied is through sheer volume. And that's not actually satisfaction, it's extreme nausea.

I've heard that cruises are known to have great food but they are also known to have that hideous bacteria and lots of people who enjoy cruises on them so I don't think I'll be trying that out any time soon.

One odd thing about last night: I could be wrong, but I am almost positive that the music they were playing on the boat is the same music that they make you listen to while you are on hold waiting for a conference call to start. And I think it had embedded subliminal messages about buying more Chinese Pla-Do.

Who says being wet and cold can't be fun

The river trip was a success. Not only did no one die or even get thrown out of the boat*, but on the first day which was miserable, freezing cold and raining, we were all such good sports that no one even whined about it. Or at least not much. I think we are to be commended. When you spend two fulls days shivering in a wet wetsuit with several additional wet layers it can be easy to forget that you are doing this because it is fun.

The whitewater rafting was truly great fun and there were some neat bonus moments on the river, too. Perhaps the best special thing was a circular rainbow around the sun on the second day. Wow! I don't think I even knew that was possible. Also, not long after that, we saw an eagle fly by carrying a snake. Double wow! Omens both, surely, though I don't know of what. Something good, I hope.

My least favorite moments were my not awesome jogging-with-luggage stints which bookended the trip. I had to take BART to the end of the line where my ride was picking me up to head out on the trip. Of course, on Thursday I left home late and ended up lurching awkwardly as fast as I could move to the station carrying tent, sleeping bag, sleeping pad and my backpack. On the way home, we hit traffic and I ended up doing that same miserable arm-aching hustle to the train station from the parking lot where my ride dropped me in order to avoid waiting a whole 15 minutes for the next train. "Why?" I had to ask myself. "Why am I always running to catch trains?" It's not like the schedules are a surprise.


*It's unclear if this means there will be layoffs when we get back to the office.

We'd like to inform you that you are enjoying this

One of Eric's birthday presents was a Grow Your Own Pirate Adventure. This is a small package containing "everything you need for the perfect Pirate Adventure," which turns out to be three grow toys that can grow to up to 600% of their original size. There's a Pirate, a Ship, and a Treasure Chest.

We started with the Pirate because he looked extremely rascally and we wanted to see how large a scallywag he could become. He was just about two inches tall when we dropped him into a large vase full of water about a week ago and here's how he looks today on the eve of Obama's inauguration. I think he's probably as ready to pillage and plunder as he's going to get. We're taunting him with grapefruits, as you can see.

The first thing the Pirate did sitting in the water for a day or two was get extremely slimy and disgusting and his pegleg got really swollen but the rest of him stayed the same shape. You might think the toy was clearly malfunctioning, but you'd be wrong. The fine print would tell you so when on day four you were so grossed out you finally read it.

"As your toy grows, it may distort in shape. This is part of the fun and will correct when fully grown. The slimy, icky texture is normal and harmless."

I like that the toy directions are telling me that the awkward uneven growth isn't a drawback, it's part of the fun. I think that pharmaceutical companies should use this same "reframing" to help people appreciate and enjoy the side effects of different medications. Dizziness isn't an unintended consequence, it's a recreational bonus effect of the drug, as well as normal and harmless. Upset stomach and vomiting? That's included to help support your weight loss goals. It's like two drugs in one! What a deal.