We promised each other we wouldn't talk about it, but....I can't help myself. Eric and I made a very, very bad decision while in Puerto Vallarta:
we went to the Mexican circus.
I don't think this quite makes the list of things that may someday prevent me from running for public office, but it is close.
In our defense, what we didn't know is that going to the circus in Mexico is like going back in time to at least the 1930s, maybe even before.
We were expecting trapeze artists, clown acts, and maybe a parade involving fancy costumes and maybe a well-cared-for elephant or two.
What we got was nauseated. The show centered around a set of once-beautiful and majestic exotic animals that were all so beaten, drugged and exploited that they held their heads low and quietly seethed resentment, just waiting for their chance to gobble up a small Mexican child.
What made it even worse is that it was really amateurish and poorly done: a lot of the tricks didn't work, the animals disobeyed or just seemed confused. The monkeys kept breaking away from the people holding their leashes and fighting. One of the mini-ponies went renegade and ran around the circle the wrong way. The animal trainer Julio Cesar fell off the horse he was riding and was nearly trampled (that actually would have been a highlight - it was hard not to be rooting for the animals instead of the people). The white tiger that they brought out uncaged and unleashed to take photos with small children was so smacked up he kept falling asleep and the animal trainer had to keep poking him with a stick to make him put his head up for the camera.
There was one act that did have promise: they wheeled out an enormous steel cage in the shape of a sphere, into which went one motorcyclist. He went around and around and upside down and it was actually pretty impressive, if somewhat terrifying to watch. When he paused after his loops in the sphere, he was joined by a second motorcyclist, and the two of them zoomed around inside the sphere miraculously not creating a spectacular fireball collision. And then, to my horror, they were joined by a third motorcyclist. Amazingly, after a few minutes of zooming they all emerged alive.
Then came the blow: the three motorcyclists came out to take a bow and took off their helmets and they looked to be 11, 13 and 15 years old. Probably brothers. Definitely none of them was over 16 years old. And then they walked out into the audience with their helmets and begged for money. I wanted to cry.
We were so devastated and ill from this nightmare circus that we thought about leaving early, but I kept holding out hope that maybe redemption lay in the finale.
Not so.
The finale was all of the various performers from the spectacle running out into the ring waving silk flags and bowing. The end.
Let us never speak of it again.
Showing posts with label Mexico. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mexico. Show all posts
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Highlights from Mexico, part 4
Not all of the adventures from Mexico took place out and about on the town. One of them took place right on the balcony off our hotel room. And it featured "Instant Animal Capsules."
These were a birthday gift to me back in August but we hadn't yet found the right moment to play with them. This was it! There were 10 capsules in four different colors, each containing a small sponge in the shape of an animal - but you don't know which animal until the capsule is dissolved and the animal is unleashed.
We decided to make it a competition (of course) and here's how it worked: we each chose 5 capsules, and then one match-up at a time, we tossed the capsules into glasses of warm water. In each match-up, the more ferocious animal was the winner.
Some were clear-cut victories (coyote vs bat, alligator vs rabbit) but we also had a couple of tough calls: beaver vs deer. Which is more ferocious? It's hard to say.
Gross epilogue: we used two of the glasses in the room as the test pools in which we dissolved the capsules. The next day, after housekeeping had come and gone in the morning, I went to use a glass and discovered a thick, sticky clear film at the bottom of both of the glasses in our room: capsule residue! That's thorough work, Westin housekeeping. Ew.
These were a birthday gift to me back in August but we hadn't yet found the right moment to play with them. This was it! There were 10 capsules in four different colors, each containing a small sponge in the shape of an animal - but you don't know which animal until the capsule is dissolved and the animal is unleashed.We decided to make it a competition (of course) and here's how it worked: we each chose 5 capsules, and then one match-up at a time, we tossed the capsules into glasses of warm water. In each match-up, the more ferocious animal was the winner.
Some were clear-cut victories (coyote vs bat, alligator vs rabbit) but we also had a couple of tough calls: beaver vs deer. Which is more ferocious? It's hard to say.Gross epilogue: we used two of the glasses in the room as the test pools in which we dissolved the capsules. The next day, after housekeeping had come and gone in the morning, I went to use a glass and discovered a thick, sticky clear film at the bottom of both of the glasses in our room: capsule residue! That's thorough work, Westin housekeeping. Ew.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Highlights from Mexico, Part 3
On the third day we went on a boat tour to Yelapa with stops for snorkeling, kayaking and a look at some pretty spots along the way.
Though we had purchased our tickets in advance, we were still required to wait in several long lines before we could actually get on the boat and go somewhere. My suspicion is that all this line-waiting was just a way to hold us captive while people tried relentlessly to sell us things. They had a sea lion propped up at a podium that you could go take a picture with and there were people carrying parrots around that they would put on you and take your photos which you could then purchase later. When the parrot guy approached Eric, Eric looked straight at him and said, humorlessly, "I don't like birds. Take that thing somewhere else." He did.
(At least part of the problem was that a cruise ship had backed into one of the cement docks that they usually use to launch their boats. It looked pretty badly damaged, so I give them the benefit of the doubt on this one.)
Our guide was Julio, and he mostly called himself Julio Iglesias. He spoke like a combination of a game show host, an MTV VJ and Borat and spent a lot of time chattering to us over the boat's speaker system. He was energetic and relentless, no - shameless, in his attempts to make sure we all had as much fun as possible. We did. In fact, just listening to his turns of phrase in English was enough to make you smile.
"How are your feelings doing!" he would shout over the speaker system to find out how we were feeling.
There were many highlights of the trip. Snorkeling was not one of them. The place they took us to snorkel does have fish, but the tour boats all seem to be in the habit of feeding the fish to get them to come play with the tourists and as a result the water is filthy and full of food scraps. It's quite disgusting. Further, there weren't really that many fish and there were that many jellyfish so we figured 90 seconds of snorkeling was about the right amount of time, and bee-lined for one of the three kayaks the boat was carrying for the 50 people on board to share.
We scored a kayak and determined that the only logical thing to do was to try to land on the small beach near the only private residence within sight - the only place we had been instructed NOT to go. We touched the sand there, saw some movement on the porch of the house, and hightailed it back out to sea as it was not out of the realm of possibility that we were going to get shot. Back on the boat, Julio Iglesias told us that house belongs to a bunch of narcos and he was probably not kidding.
Once we got to Yelapa, we walked around there and swam in a waterfall pool which was really, really cold and totally awesome. ("Refrescante!")
This child made a face at us as we walked by, so we took his picture.
The group with us on the tour was a colorful bunch. It included a gross couple maybe on their honeymoon or maybe just really gropy, a nice family that also lives in San Francisco and who gave us an awesome recommendation for a restaurant in town, and a woman who shared with me that she had delivered her oldest daughter (now 19 years old) when she was at just 26 weeks of pregnancy - exactly how pregnant I was at the time. Not cool. There was also a mishmosh of other typical American families (one father pointed out a dog in Yelapa laying in the sun and said "Look, it's a Mexican lazy dog.")
In order to make the long boat ride back from Yelapa as much fun as possible, Julio Iglesias hosted a rocking dance party in which he got the whole crew to come up and dance, and then got a bunch of the passengers dancing as well. The four hours of open bar prior to this impromptu dance party surely contributed to the healthy participation.
All in all, it was pretty solid as the "tropical boat-based day trip adventure" goes.
Though we had purchased our tickets in advance, we were still required to wait in several long lines before we could actually get on the boat and go somewhere. My suspicion is that all this line-waiting was just a way to hold us captive while people tried relentlessly to sell us things. They had a sea lion propped up at a podium that you could go take a picture with and there were people carrying parrots around that they would put on you and take your photos which you could then purchase later. When the parrot guy approached Eric, Eric looked straight at him and said, humorlessly, "I don't like birds. Take that thing somewhere else." He did.
(At least part of the problem was that a cruise ship had backed into one of the cement docks that they usually use to launch their boats. It looked pretty badly damaged, so I give them the benefit of the doubt on this one.)
Our guide was Julio, and he mostly called himself Julio Iglesias. He spoke like a combination of a game show host, an MTV VJ and Borat and spent a lot of time chattering to us over the boat's speaker system. He was energetic and relentless, no - shameless, in his attempts to make sure we all had as much fun as possible. We did. In fact, just listening to his turns of phrase in English was enough to make you smile.
"How are your feelings doing!" he would shout over the speaker system to find out how we were feeling.
There were many highlights of the trip. Snorkeling was not one of them. The place they took us to snorkel does have fish, but the tour boats all seem to be in the habit of feeding the fish to get them to come play with the tourists and as a result the water is filthy and full of food scraps. It's quite disgusting. Further, there weren't really that many fish and there were that many jellyfish so we figured 90 seconds of snorkeling was about the right amount of time, and bee-lined for one of the three kayaks the boat was carrying for the 50 people on board to share.
We scored a kayak and determined that the only logical thing to do was to try to land on the small beach near the only private residence within sight - the only place we had been instructed NOT to go. We touched the sand there, saw some movement on the porch of the house, and hightailed it back out to sea as it was not out of the realm of possibility that we were going to get shot. Back on the boat, Julio Iglesias told us that house belongs to a bunch of narcos and he was probably not kidding.
Once we got to Yelapa, we walked around there and swam in a waterfall pool which was really, really cold and totally awesome. ("Refrescante!")
This child made a face at us as we walked by, so we took his picture.
The group with us on the tour was a colorful bunch. It included a gross couple maybe on their honeymoon or maybe just really gropy, a nice family that also lives in San Francisco and who gave us an awesome recommendation for a restaurant in town, and a woman who shared with me that she had delivered her oldest daughter (now 19 years old) when she was at just 26 weeks of pregnancy - exactly how pregnant I was at the time. Not cool. There was also a mishmosh of other typical American families (one father pointed out a dog in Yelapa laying in the sun and said "Look, it's a Mexican lazy dog.")In order to make the long boat ride back from Yelapa as much fun as possible, Julio Iglesias hosted a rocking dance party in which he got the whole crew to come up and dance, and then got a bunch of the passengers dancing as well. The four hours of open bar prior to this impromptu dance party surely contributed to the healthy participation.
All in all, it was pretty solid as the "tropical boat-based day trip adventure" goes.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Highlights from Mexico, Part 2
The first two days of our time in Mexico were our surfing safari days: we drove our rental car about 45 min to where the surf breaks are, stopping to rent a surfboard along the way. We strapped it to the top of the car which worked great except at any speed above 5 mph when it made an intense humming noise as the wind vibrated it against the roof of the car (through a towel, which would occasionally flap, adding some percussion to the performance).
The beach we decided to check out was La Lancha and the way to get there is to look for the bridge that goes over the La Lancha river, park in the empty lot near the cement factory and then look for the trail across the highway which meanders along the river, making it about a 15 min hike to the ocean through jungly terrain.
The path is good and the trip is well worth it: we were rewarded at the other end with a pristine and nearly abandoned beach right on a nice surf break. Total paradise.
The first day we went we did chat with some of the other people there. I chatted with a woman from Ottawa who was there so her kids could practice surfing (they'd been brought in by a surf guide). Eric chatted for a bit with three older dudes who turned up mid-afternoon, stood for a good 20 min staring wordlessly at the ocean, and then hopped in to catch some waves. We learned that two of the three of them were musicians and they were playing a gig in town that night. They invited us to come.
We ran into them again the next day having not made it to their show the night before ("Um, we couldn't find it"). As luck had it, they were playing again that night. This time we said we would make a more serious attempt to get there.
We did. It was at the River Cafe and it turned out to be a lovely spot along the Cuale River, half indoors and half out, with trees making up much of the decor. It was a way nicer place than we had been expecting, but I don't know why.
We were seated at a table right up front and the musicians were already playing. We recognized the two guys from the beach: one playing the violin, the other playing classical guitar. When we'd asked them what kind of music they played they had said "world music" and that's as good a description as I can come up with. They are Willie and the Locos and apparently they were number 2 on the world music billboard in 1993.
Willie is the violinist and he is one of those incredibly expressive musicians who contorts, flails and experiences a thousand emotions throughout each song, each emotion playing dramatically across his face.
I saw the guitarist notice us as we came in and smile, and when they finished the song he pointed us out to Willie who said a big hello. "Hello friends from the beach!" He exclaimed to the entire restaurant, looking at us. "From surfing La Lancha to music at the River Cafe. Amazing!" He seemed sincerely excited that we had actually showed up. They came to chat with us during the break and Willie in particular was very excited that we are having a baby.
After the show we went to say thanks and good night and Eric mentioned that I had felt Belvedere jumping around a bunch during one of the songs. Willie's face lit up: "I know! We were totally connecting during that song. He's an awesome kid!"
And the thing of it is, it is entirely possible.
The beach we decided to check out was La Lancha and the way to get there is to look for the bridge that goes over the La Lancha river, park in the empty lot near the cement factory and then look for the trail across the highway which meanders along the river, making it about a 15 min hike to the ocean through jungly terrain.
The path is good and the trip is well worth it: we were rewarded at the other end with a pristine and nearly abandoned beach right on a nice surf break. Total paradise.
The first day we went we did chat with some of the other people there. I chatted with a woman from Ottawa who was there so her kids could practice surfing (they'd been brought in by a surf guide). Eric chatted for a bit with three older dudes who turned up mid-afternoon, stood for a good 20 min staring wordlessly at the ocean, and then hopped in to catch some waves. We learned that two of the three of them were musicians and they were playing a gig in town that night. They invited us to come.
We ran into them again the next day having not made it to their show the night before ("Um, we couldn't find it"). As luck had it, they were playing again that night. This time we said we would make a more serious attempt to get there.
We did. It was at the River Cafe and it turned out to be a lovely spot along the Cuale River, half indoors and half out, with trees making up much of the decor. It was a way nicer place than we had been expecting, but I don't know why.
We were seated at a table right up front and the musicians were already playing. We recognized the two guys from the beach: one playing the violin, the other playing classical guitar. When we'd asked them what kind of music they played they had said "world music" and that's as good a description as I can come up with. They are Willie and the Locos and apparently they were number 2 on the world music billboard in 1993.
Willie is the violinist and he is one of those incredibly expressive musicians who contorts, flails and experiences a thousand emotions throughout each song, each emotion playing dramatically across his face.
I saw the guitarist notice us as we came in and smile, and when they finished the song he pointed us out to Willie who said a big hello. "Hello friends from the beach!" He exclaimed to the entire restaurant, looking at us. "From surfing La Lancha to music at the River Cafe. Amazing!" He seemed sincerely excited that we had actually showed up. They came to chat with us during the break and Willie in particular was very excited that we are having a baby.
After the show we went to say thanks and good night and Eric mentioned that I had felt Belvedere jumping around a bunch during one of the songs. Willie's face lit up: "I know! We were totally connecting during that song. He's an awesome kid!"
And the thing of it is, it is entirely possible.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Highlights from Mexico, Part 1
We had far too many adventures during our week in Puerto Vallarta to fit them all into one blog post (one anyone would want to read, at least), so here's just a taste, with more to come.
The second day, we ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant which is outdoors and lovely. You get to watch the palm trees swaying and see the birds flitting around the lawn and trees. And you get to watch them very stealthily fly into the open air restaurant, steal packets of Splenda from the tables and then take them back to a nearby tree branch where they skillfully tear them open and stick their beaks in to get the sugar-like goodness inside. I don't know if they realize there is no nutritional value in the sugar substitute. I wish I could explain it to them.On Ericmas (day four), we spent most of the day lounging by the pool watching children play, fight, cry, be soothed, and repeat the cycle.
Per his request, I ordered Eric a large drink served in a coconut and mentioned to the server that it was his birthday. They made the drink extra strong (it was a Coco very Loco) and it took Eric several hours, literally, to drink it without getting himself in big trouble.
We sat there relaxing, enjoying the pool scene when suddenly small white granules rained down on us from the tree above. We sat there for a moment, both of us covered in this sand-like white substance, wondering what child was throwing sand on us, when we realized: it was Splenda. I licked a few granules off my arm and sure enough, we'd just been innocent bystanders in a crafty bird's afternoon snack.
The server came by again later with a twinkle in his eye, asked what Eric's name was and then disappeared with a wink only to return not too much later with a piece of chocolate cake on a plate decorated to say Feliz Cumpleanos "Eric". We don't know why they put his name in quotes- maybe they didn't think it was his real name?
The second day, we ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant which is outdoors and lovely. You get to watch the palm trees swaying and see the birds flitting around the lawn and trees. And you get to watch them very stealthily fly into the open air restaurant, steal packets of Splenda from the tables and then take them back to a nearby tree branch where they skillfully tear them open and stick their beaks in to get the sugar-like goodness inside. I don't know if they realize there is no nutritional value in the sugar substitute. I wish I could explain it to them.On Ericmas (day four), we spent most of the day lounging by the pool watching children play, fight, cry, be soothed, and repeat the cycle.
Per his request, I ordered Eric a large drink served in a coconut and mentioned to the server that it was his birthday. They made the drink extra strong (it was a Coco very Loco) and it took Eric several hours, literally, to drink it without getting himself in big trouble.
We sat there relaxing, enjoying the pool scene when suddenly small white granules rained down on us from the tree above. We sat there for a moment, both of us covered in this sand-like white substance, wondering what child was throwing sand on us, when we realized: it was Splenda. I licked a few granules off my arm and sure enough, we'd just been innocent bystanders in a crafty bird's afternoon snack.
The server came by again later with a twinkle in his eye, asked what Eric's name was and then disappeared with a wink only to return not too much later with a piece of chocolate cake on a plate decorated to say Feliz Cumpleanos "Eric". We don't know why they put his name in quotes- maybe they didn't think it was his real name?
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