You can't see him but he's there

There's a malicious sprinkler in my life.

This person, or people, takes my hair and sprinkles it around my apartment when I'm not looking. Especially under the glass coffee table near the couch.

Also, he takes pieces of broken glass and sprinkles it exclusively and comprehensively across all the bike lanes in the city.

Why can't he use his sprinkling forces for good, I ask you? Maybe he could get a job in a pizza parlor. Or an ice cream shop. Is it possible that this now official recession has put even talented sprinklers out of work?

Has it gotten that bad?

OK, now I just feel bad for him. Sorry man.