List of things you don't talk about in polite company

I'm meeting Eric's parents tonight for the first time.

Let me be totally honest here for a moment: part of me thinks "Of course they'll like me. I'm extremely likeable" and then there's another voice that reminds me that our belief systems are almost completely diametrically opposite and they would likely disapprove of most everything I have ever done or thought should they ever learn of it.

In the interest of everyone having a good time, there are a few topics that are off-limits:

• God, Jesus, morality, religion, etc
• Sex and masturbation*
• Politics
• The economy
• Major US automakers and pension plans thereof
• And pretty much everything that happened in my life prior to the present moment

My plan is to stay focused on topics that can't possibly be offensive to anyone:

• The weather
• Whatever it is we are eating
• Unicorns

So it should be a pretty lively conversation.

*You'd think this would be an obvious topic to shy away from when meeting your boyfriend's parents, however Eric did bring up masturbation not once but twice with my mother when he met her for the first time in Chicago a few weeks ago, so I think it needs to be explicitly mentioned on the list.