Underpants police

On my way out to St Louis this week I discovered a new way to get pulled aside for additional screening: wear a slightly poofy skirt.

I was actually on the phone with a client while in the longest security line ever at SFO and when I got to the front of the line I told him to hold on just a moment and I would be right back, then I set the muted phone in the bin and pushed it into the scanner and stepped through the metal detector. Nothing beeped but the woman motioned me into the large glass box.

Then no one paid attention to me for several minutes. I was soooo tempted to do a silent performance in my personal mime cell but just as I was about to start, the secondary screener came over.

She explained that she needed to do a "lower half only" pat-down.

Is it the skirt? I asked.

Affirmative. Too puffy. Who knows what I could be hiding in there?

When she had confirmed I wasn't concealing anything other than my own nakedness and underpants under my skirt, I was released.

"I'm so sorry," I said as soon as I got my phone off mute. He was still there and he was actually very understanding.

"Knowing TSA, I thought it could have been a lot longer," he said.