Lapped

I have a client dinner tonight, so I went to the gym this morning to make sure I got a workout in today. I can confirm what I have long suspected: going to the gym in the morning is hard.

The workout of choice today was 15 minutes of yoga and then 20 minutes of swimming. I've discovered recently that I like swimming as exercise and am trying not to shy away from it in spite of articles about the increasing problem of chlorine-resistant intestinal parasites like crypto.

The pool was more crowded this morning than I have ever seen it but I hopped into the lane with the fewest people, which was the fast lane, and started splashing my way up and down the lane along with the four other people. I was doing a great job of not being in anyone's way in spite of not really being a super fast swimmer.

One girl in the lane broke out a kickboard, and I thought that seemed like a great idea so I grabbed one too. I waited until everyone had gone and then off I went, put-putting toward the far end of the pool. It was, how you say, slow-going. In spite of my enormous head start, I was eventually lapped not only by the people swimming but also by the other girl who was kicking.

The lifeguard who monitors all pool activity stands up and makes his way toward the end of the lane I was in (I am still doing just one out-and-back lap with the kickboard). He stands there and watches me come slowly towards him...kicking...kicking...kicking... Hours pass. I finally make it to the end of the lane. He crouches down. I take off my goggles which are completely fogged up, and look at him innocently.

"You're a pretty good swimmer," he leads off generously. "But you're a really slow kicker. You can keep swimming in this lane, but when you kick, could you move over to the slow lane?"

"Of course!" I chirp cheerily. "Happy to."

He looks relieved.

He is lucky that I have no ego attachment to being a good kicker*. In fact, all the way back to my days on the high school swim team I have been an outrageously sucky kicker. My coach blamed it on my lack of ankle flexibility but I think he just made that up.

So I finish up my kicking practice in the slow lane where I continue to be passed not only by swimmers and other kickers but also by one of the mentally challenged guys who appears to be doing some form a water-based interpretive modern dance that involves a lot of whooping.


*In contrast to tetherball...? Yeah, I don't get that either.