The Onion, always honest in news reporting if not always accurate, had this headline recently: Study Finds Every Style Of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults.
The last line is my favorite: "The study did find, however, that adults often achieve temporary
happiness when they have children of their own to perpetuate the cycle
of human misery."
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Settling in
Today marks three weeks that we are sleeping in our house. I think I love this house. It is huge and beautiful and we can watch the sunset sitting by the pool like we are on a tropical vacation. And it is falling apart more than I would have expected from a house that is not even 16 years old.
The two major house projects (new roof, hardwood floor installation) that we cleverly scheduled to have completed before we moved in should, if we are lucky, both be finished by early next week. The best worst moment of all happened yesterday when I opened the front door to give the roofer the final check and there was house paint running down the roof and onto the plants and the sidewalk and front stoop. The roofer had gone up to put the final coat of paint on some stucco that they had to replace and kicked over the can of paint. Truly unbelievable.
And it's the little things: Emerson, without even trying that hard, pulled the drapes right out of the wall. The screws holding together the screen covering that goes over the patio and pool are so rusted out that a stiff wind will probably blow the whole thing into the gulf of Mexico. And so on. But then you sit on our new patio "conversation set" and watch the sunset and everything is kind of perfect.
The two major house projects (new roof, hardwood floor installation) that we cleverly scheduled to have completed before we moved in should, if we are lucky, both be finished by early next week. The best worst moment of all happened yesterday when I opened the front door to give the roofer the final check and there was house paint running down the roof and onto the plants and the sidewalk and front stoop. The roofer had gone up to put the final coat of paint on some stucco that they had to replace and kicked over the can of paint. Truly unbelievable.
And it's the little things: Emerson, without even trying that hard, pulled the drapes right out of the wall. The screws holding together the screen covering that goes over the patio and pool are so rusted out that a stiff wind will probably blow the whole thing into the gulf of Mexico. And so on. But then you sit on our new patio "conversation set" and watch the sunset and everything is kind of perfect.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Two years
Tuesday was Eric and my second wedding anniversary. Neither one of us can recall what we did for our first but I am sure it was wonderful. This one was celebrated in stages: a nice dinner on Sunday grilled on our new grill (a housewarming present from Joy and Dan - thank you!), gift-giving on Tuesday, and then watching our wedding video (thank you Andrew!) on Wednesday.
I'm OK with the anniversary day not being that memorable when everything else in our lives is. As crazy as life is right now, I couldn't imagine it being more fun with anyone else.
I'm OK with the anniversary day not being that memorable when everything else in our lives is. As crazy as life is right now, I couldn't imagine it being more fun with anyone else.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
A first
A conference first for me today: at a session on IKEA's partnership with UNICEF they showed a video on the work they are doing with children in South Africa that just got to me for some reason and I cried. A little at first, then more. It was the last part of the session so I knew if I could survive the video I could get to the bathroom and pull myself together.
As I was trying to make my eyes look less red and puffy, other women in the bathroom tried to be nice to me. One woman in the bathroom who had also seen the video said "Oh bless your heart." Another said she had also teared up a bit.
One woman who had been at a different breakout session wasn't sure what to make of it. "Your session made you cry? That bad?"
I don't know if it was the African music or the young children or being really tired and really pregnant or maybe just all of it together. I couldn't help but cry.
I'm hoping for a less dramatic day tomorrow.
As I was trying to make my eyes look less red and puffy, other women in the bathroom tried to be nice to me. One woman in the bathroom who had also seen the video said "Oh bless your heart." Another said she had also teared up a bit.
One woman who had been at a different breakout session wasn't sure what to make of it. "Your session made you cry? That bad?"
I don't know if it was the African music or the young children or being really tired and really pregnant or maybe just all of it together. I couldn't help but cry.
I'm hoping for a less dramatic day tomorrow.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The whole story
Something about being away from home for a day or two brings me here to the blog. My last blog was written on my final trip to St Louis to finish up the project I have been doing there for almost a year. Tonight I am in Orlando - not too far from home - at a conference where my company wanted to have a presence. I don't know if it is that being away gives me perspective or if it just provides me with that extra time and space needed to sit down and write for a few minutes. Likely both.
These past few months have been hard (with a lot of wonderful good moments sprinkled in) and while I really wanted to document the experience in the moment I found it too hard, both emotionally and logistically. I wanted to write real-time to capture my transition from being a snooty, sophisticated, layer-toting San Franciscan to being a suburban Florida mom who wears the same three maternity dresses from Target in rotation. It's a lot of ground to cover and I have done it in just over two months. I will spare you the photos.
On Friday night we slept at our new house for the first time. I made the call to just go live there already, since we have owned it since Sept 21 and yet continued to pay rent to live in a tiny dump. But it was clear very quickly that moving in before the hardwood floors upstairs were done (oh the dust!) and while the roof is still being replaced (several weeks behind schedule) was unwise, to say the least. But we stuck it out: we threw a mattress on the floor of the family room and set up Emerson's crib in the dining room and tried not to breathe in too much dust or touch anything.
I love our house. It is so ridiculously large that the same furniture that made our 3 bedroom San Francisco apartment feel cramped makes our Tampa house appear abandoned. It is so nice that Eric and I will occasionally whisper to each other "Whose house is this?" and then we genuinely surprised that the answer is "ours."
For me, starting to sleep in our house is really the beginning of our lives in Tampa. We have already met a lot of neighbors and are cautiously optimistic that we are on a really good block: tons of families with small children, a good mix of different kinds of people with different jobs. Some neighbors already brought us cookies.
The thing that got me about the house from the beginning is the pond out back. It is a very pretty retention pond that is also important wildlife habitat and sometimes in the dark pre-dawn when Emerson and I are out in the screened-in porch area we can hear things splashing in it. Apparently it only has baby gators - once they get to 6 feet the county removes them.
Sleeping in my own bed has also been a major life quality improvement. I had thought that this pregnancy was just harder on my low back than the first one but after a couple nights in my own amazing bed my back issues are gone and I wake up feeling rested instead of like I spent the night getting beat up. It was just two and a half months of terrible beds that got my low back so pissed off.
Having my mother, known these days as Gama, with us for a few months was also a great gift. I don't know how we will thank her for everything she has done to help us out. I have particularly appreciated her help as it enabled me to hold onto my last shreds of sanity during these few months of chaotic transition. And it has been great for Emerson to hang out with her and get to know her a bit better.
One of the added bonuses of having Gama around is that Eric and I got to go out more than normal. We saw a lot of movies. We saw Cowboys & Aliens and Super 8 at the super cheap ($3!) movie theater we could walk to from the condo. It is the kind of place where it's the same woman who is popping the popcorn, selling tickets, checking your purse to make sure you aren't smuggling in outside candy, and then running the projector. They don't even have the lights on a dimmer: it's just the flip of a switch. We had to make sure to leave before they turned the lights back on at the end.
Most recently we saw Contagion because Eric felt a professional responsibility to be able to comment on the accuracy of the science in the movie and also because I think he particularly likes movies where virologists are the heroes. When I asked him halfway through if he thought this sort of thing might ever actually happen he said "Oh it's inevitable - and we (society) are completely unprepared to deal with it." I guess the good news is either you die or you don't and there probably isn't much you can do about it. I am not going to start worrying about it.
After Friday this week I am done done done with work for a little while. I am looking forward to spending all my time with Emerson, to feeling less stretched and maybe even relaxed and to eventually getting unpacked in our new place. And if I am lucky, to many naps in my own bed.
These past few months have been hard (with a lot of wonderful good moments sprinkled in) and while I really wanted to document the experience in the moment I found it too hard, both emotionally and logistically. I wanted to write real-time to capture my transition from being a snooty, sophisticated, layer-toting San Franciscan to being a suburban Florida mom who wears the same three maternity dresses from Target in rotation. It's a lot of ground to cover and I have done it in just over two months. I will spare you the photos.
On Friday night we slept at our new house for the first time. I made the call to just go live there already, since we have owned it since Sept 21 and yet continued to pay rent to live in a tiny dump. But it was clear very quickly that moving in before the hardwood floors upstairs were done (oh the dust!) and while the roof is still being replaced (several weeks behind schedule) was unwise, to say the least. But we stuck it out: we threw a mattress on the floor of the family room and set up Emerson's crib in the dining room and tried not to breathe in too much dust or touch anything.
I love our house. It is so ridiculously large that the same furniture that made our 3 bedroom San Francisco apartment feel cramped makes our Tampa house appear abandoned. It is so nice that Eric and I will occasionally whisper to each other "Whose house is this?" and then we genuinely surprised that the answer is "ours."
For me, starting to sleep in our house is really the beginning of our lives in Tampa. We have already met a lot of neighbors and are cautiously optimistic that we are on a really good block: tons of families with small children, a good mix of different kinds of people with different jobs. Some neighbors already brought us cookies.
The thing that got me about the house from the beginning is the pond out back. It is a very pretty retention pond that is also important wildlife habitat and sometimes in the dark pre-dawn when Emerson and I are out in the screened-in porch area we can hear things splashing in it. Apparently it only has baby gators - once they get to 6 feet the county removes them.
Sleeping in my own bed has also been a major life quality improvement. I had thought that this pregnancy was just harder on my low back than the first one but after a couple nights in my own amazing bed my back issues are gone and I wake up feeling rested instead of like I spent the night getting beat up. It was just two and a half months of terrible beds that got my low back so pissed off.
Having my mother, known these days as Gama, with us for a few months was also a great gift. I don't know how we will thank her for everything she has done to help us out. I have particularly appreciated her help as it enabled me to hold onto my last shreds of sanity during these few months of chaotic transition. And it has been great for Emerson to hang out with her and get to know her a bit better.
One of the added bonuses of having Gama around is that Eric and I got to go out more than normal. We saw a lot of movies. We saw Cowboys & Aliens and Super 8 at the super cheap ($3!) movie theater we could walk to from the condo. It is the kind of place where it's the same woman who is popping the popcorn, selling tickets, checking your purse to make sure you aren't smuggling in outside candy, and then running the projector. They don't even have the lights on a dimmer: it's just the flip of a switch. We had to make sure to leave before they turned the lights back on at the end.
Most recently we saw Contagion because Eric felt a professional responsibility to be able to comment on the accuracy of the science in the movie and also because I think he particularly likes movies where virologists are the heroes. When I asked him halfway through if he thought this sort of thing might ever actually happen he said "Oh it's inevitable - and we (society) are completely unprepared to deal with it." I guess the good news is either you die or you don't and there probably isn't much you can do about it. I am not going to start worrying about it.
After Friday this week I am done done done with work for a little while. I am looking forward to spending all my time with Emerson, to feeling less stretched and maybe even relaxed and to eventually getting unpacked in our new place. And if I am lucky, to many naps in my own bed.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Country night
Eric and I attended our first Tampa sporting event on Saturday night: a Tampa Bay Rays game at their indoor stadium in St Petersburg. Who ever heard of an indoor baseball stadium?
Though I have largely kicked the San Francisco habit of bringing a layer since it is always 95 everywhere all the time I had a feeling it would be chilly in there, so I brought a sweater. What I should have brought instead was my cowboy boots, hat and shirt because that's what everyone else brought. It was Country Night at the ballpark.
There were many ways that Country Night was celebrated. They handed out blue Rays-branded cowbells to something like the first 10,000 people who entered the stadium and people were not shy about ringing them. Every time a Ray got a hit or made a good catch it was like a huge herd of cows suddenly startled and took off running, cow bells clanging like crazy. The kid next to me didn't even wait for anything to happen - he just rang it constantly until the woman in front of us turned around and asked him nicely but quite firmly to "take it easy" with the cowbell. The poor kid didn't ring it again the whole game.
More country-ness: Jeff Foxworthy on video opened up the game with a bit on "You might be a Rays fan if..." which reminded me that there are more people that you think who are able to turn one not very clever idea into a lifelong career as a performer.
Even more country-ness: after the game they held a free live country music concert on the field. The performer was Miranda something who was a participant on Nashville Star.
The game was memorable in other ways, too. After the fourth inning Eric and I went to get some food. I ordered the "Heater" which is a chili-cheese hot dog.
"Whoa!" exclaimed the woman taking our order. "You want that baby to come tonight?" She seemed genuinely concerned and/or horrified, but I stuck with my order. I think I just liked the name.
Eric, no fool, quickly determined that the large beer, which was 20 oz for $9, was a worse deal than two regular beers, which were 12 oz for $5 each. I didn't think I cared one way or the other which one he got until it became clear that I was going to have to sherpa the second beer up the 30 steps to our very last row seats past many, many disapproving country folk. Before we even got half-way up Eric started calling out to no one in particular "It's mine! She's carrying it for me!" and presumably people knew he meant both the beer and the baby. But they still gave me the stinkiest of the stink eye and shook their cowbells disapprovingly in my direction.
As for the baseball itself, there were actually a few remarkable plays all of which involved players not catching balls that they had no excuse to miss. My personal theory: as they looked up to follow the ball they got so distracted by the fact that there was a ceiling over their heads (and a racket of cowbells in their ears) that they thought they must be dreaming and completely forgot about the ball until it dropped to the astro-turf in their general vicinity. It was just bizarre.
I can't wait to go see a hockey game.
Though I have largely kicked the San Francisco habit of bringing a layer since it is always 95 everywhere all the time I had a feeling it would be chilly in there, so I brought a sweater. What I should have brought instead was my cowboy boots, hat and shirt because that's what everyone else brought. It was Country Night at the ballpark.
There were many ways that Country Night was celebrated. They handed out blue Rays-branded cowbells to something like the first 10,000 people who entered the stadium and people were not shy about ringing them. Every time a Ray got a hit or made a good catch it was like a huge herd of cows suddenly startled and took off running, cow bells clanging like crazy. The kid next to me didn't even wait for anything to happen - he just rang it constantly until the woman in front of us turned around and asked him nicely but quite firmly to "take it easy" with the cowbell. The poor kid didn't ring it again the whole game.
More country-ness: Jeff Foxworthy on video opened up the game with a bit on "You might be a Rays fan if..." which reminded me that there are more people that you think who are able to turn one not very clever idea into a lifelong career as a performer.
Even more country-ness: after the game they held a free live country music concert on the field. The performer was Miranda something who was a participant on Nashville Star.
The game was memorable in other ways, too. After the fourth inning Eric and I went to get some food. I ordered the "Heater" which is a chili-cheese hot dog.
"Whoa!" exclaimed the woman taking our order. "You want that baby to come tonight?" She seemed genuinely concerned and/or horrified, but I stuck with my order. I think I just liked the name.
Eric, no fool, quickly determined that the large beer, which was 20 oz for $9, was a worse deal than two regular beers, which were 12 oz for $5 each. I didn't think I cared one way or the other which one he got until it became clear that I was going to have to sherpa the second beer up the 30 steps to our very last row seats past many, many disapproving country folk. Before we even got half-way up Eric started calling out to no one in particular "It's mine! She's carrying it for me!" and presumably people knew he meant both the beer and the baby. But they still gave me the stinkiest of the stink eye and shook their cowbells disapprovingly in my direction.
As for the baseball itself, there were actually a few remarkable plays all of which involved players not catching balls that they had no excuse to miss. My personal theory: as they looked up to follow the ball they got so distracted by the fact that there was a ceiling over their heads (and a racket of cowbells in their ears) that they thought they must be dreaming and completely forgot about the ball until it dropped to the astro-turf in their general vicinity. It was just bizarre.
I can't wait to go see a hockey game.
Friday, September 23, 2011
We bought it
On Wednesday evening we officially purchased our first home. All it required was all of the money we have ever made*, plus a lot of signatures.Here it is!
It is much too large for us and has a pool. From our bedroom window you can see a palm tree. Eric and I keep asking each other: is this really our house?
I am a healthy mix of excited, daunted, eager to actually move in and completely exhausted (though this last one is not just because of the house).
We won't actually be moving in for a couple of weeks because what's left of our money will be going towards a new roof, new floors for the upstairs and a thorough de-cat-ifying of the house so that Eric doesn't need to live on Claritin for as long as we live in this house.
All of our worldly belongings should arrive by October 14th but we have been warned by other people who have moved that we shouldn't really be too confident that will actually happen. We may be urban camping for quite a while.
*Just most of it, actually. Not all of it. I promise.
I am a healthy mix of excited, daunted, eager to actually move in and completely exhausted (though this last one is not just because of the house).
We won't actually be moving in for a couple of weeks because what's left of our money will be going towards a new roof, new floors for the upstairs and a thorough de-cat-ifying of the house so that Eric doesn't need to live on Claritin for as long as we live in this house.
All of our worldly belongings should arrive by October 14th but we have been warned by other people who have moved that we shouldn't really be too confident that will actually happen. We may be urban camping for quite a while.
*Just most of it, actually. Not all of it. I promise.
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